I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize