I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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