I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
