I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
