I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
