I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize