I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize