if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
