So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
