my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
