I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
