My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
