Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
