He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
