the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
