I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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