Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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