he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
