I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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