you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
