I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
