You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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