??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize