she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
