Having a random hookup so left but love u
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
