Soap is not a condiment
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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