Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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