We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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