There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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