i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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