i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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