i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
