My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
