Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
