Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
