No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
