Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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