If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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