I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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