i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
