He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
