My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
