been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
