It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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