I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
