When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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