I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
