This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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