I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
