Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
