Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
