definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
