I just pynch a tree in the face
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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