Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize