Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
