Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
