What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
