who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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