Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just had sex bonerless
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
