Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
