You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
