like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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