I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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