best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Text me some of your sweat
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