I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
