But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
