i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
