he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
