That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You took a bar mat shot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize