i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are two peas in an std pod
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
