Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
