so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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